GrowingPaynes

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We Need You to Know . . .

We have known for quite some time that we would build our family though adoption.  It is so hard to explain how excited we are about meeting our child.  We have been waiting a long time to welcome a little one into our home & hear running feet, giggles & crying - yes you read that right!  Many people have commented on how blessed and lucky this child is going to be - in actuallity, it is Charles and I who will be blessed.   

There are a few things that we want to explain to everyone before we bring our child home - this well ease the transition for everyone - most improtantly our child.

Attachment:

We know that everyone is going to be almost as excited as we are to meet our child & are going to want to hug, kiss & cuddle the little bundle of cuteness...we ask that you take your cues from us.  Our child is going to be coming to a totally new environment, experienceing a multitude of new things over a short peried of time, and may be scared and shy about meeting new people.  Our child will need time to adjust to their new surroundings.  Most importantly, please remember that we have just meet our child, a few short weeks before arriving home.  We will have begun the important process of attaching and bonding, but depending on the cues we get from our child - they may be out going & open to meeting new people, or they maybe very shy and need time to warm up - we may need to be the ones to care exclusively for our child until we feel our relationships are secure.

Our Child's Story:

From the very beginning, we will tell our child their adoption story - we will share the good parts as well as the details that may be more difficult to explain.  This story will become more detailed as they become older, and are better able to understand more difficult concepts.  There will be some details that we will share with friends and family, but there will also be some that are private and only for Charles, myself and our child to share.  We ask that you be satisfied with what we choose to share, and that if you really feel you need to know a certain detail, you ask us in private, and be considerate of our child's feelings.

Canadian Culture Meets South African Culture:

Charles and I are going to do everything we can to maintain our child's South African Heritage and incorporate it into our Canadian traditions and beliefs.  This is an important aspect of helping build our child's positive self identity.  We will always want our child to know that we valued their start in life & that it will always be a part of who they are. We are learning as much as we can about South Africa, even before we meet our new little one.  This will be a lifelong process with much trial and error - but we are looking at it as an opportunity to grow ourselves.  We are fortunate to be involved with a network called "Families with Children from South Africa".  This is a group who have all either adopted from South Africa, or are in the process.  We keep in contact via a yahoo group, as well as have periodic family gatherings.  This will be invaluable for us and our children as they grow older - we will all be able to build connections with people going through similar experinces to our own.

Cost of Adoption: 

As many of you know, there are certain fees associated with the adoption of a child.  These fees are for services rendered, a child cannot be bought.  We would like to leave you with this thought...

  • Agency Fees - Determined by the agency
  • Legal Fees - Determined by the lawyers & courts
  • Travel Fees - Determined by the travel agency

Building a Family - PRICELESS

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